In my coaching practice, I’ve noticed a few key moments where my clients inevitably get stuck, especially in the early sessions of working together. One of those moments is when the judgement they hold of themselves shows up. We often are our harshest critic and part of my job is to give my client an opportunity to pause and examine their thought, so we can keep moving forward in the session and in the coaching. It is common for many of us to have a thought, a belief, or a fear holding us back in life. When this happens, I tell my client: “Let’s stay here for a moment and just be curious about it.” This instantly relaxes them. They no longer need to have all the answers. It’s ok to just be and not know. That process alone is transformative. It’s like removing a huge roadblock that allows us to keep exploring and making progress down the lane.
So, my sweet and beautiful friends, brace yourself for a whole new adventure together, through the wonders of the curious mind, how it benefits us and how we can get there.
Being curious seems like an innate state of being at first -a state that’s usually associated with children and innocence. You might just be born with it… We’re curious about things that interest us -simple enough. There’s no accompanying judgment. We enter a new space, or even meet someone, without expectation… And that is where it gets challenging: we always want something!
As we accumulate experiences, we start expecting things or people to be a certain way. We get conditioned a certain way, whether by our parents, our school, or society at large. Some of us might even become jaded, over-skeptical, scared, hopeless or closed off. Un-curious. Seen it, been there, done that. We think we know. Too much ego. Too many fears, really. It might even become difficult for some of us to start something new. The stakes become high and you face stagnation, the enemy of growth and evolution. Now, to me, that’s scary. Which leads us to…
Your 1st super-power: Openness.
To be curious, you have to be open, or willing to open up. It asks of you to let go of what you know, to embrace what you don’t know, your own identity included. In Lau Tzu’s words: “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be.” This is an idea that I explored in my first book, Hello the unknown. We can begin again. And again. If we’re willing to let go of who we think we are.
Practice:
In the morning, before the hustle and bustle begins, take a moment to yourself to be quiet. Place your attention on your breath and begin following its movement. Once you’ve settled into a comfortable rhythm begin asking yourself questions such as: “Who am I ?” Let that reflection sit with you for a few breaths. See if any answer comes up, from deep inside you. No need to force anything. If nothing comes up, let that be. You can continue if you like by also asking yourself: “What do I want?” and my favorite, “How can I serve?”. This will train your mind to be more curious and open.
Your 2nd super-power: Courage.
To me courage is not the absence of fear, it’s doing what’s scary anyway. If you’re willing to stay with the discomfort of fear, you will see yourself growing more emotionally resilient.
A way to be with fear could be as simple as saying to yourself: “Ok, I see you, Fear.” And then stay with it. Be curious about your fear, and even what it has to say to you. Fears are very often source of wisdom and our ticket to freedom. Gain control over your fears by staying curious about them.
Practice:
When a fear or stress arises next time, try telling yourself this: “This is temporary. This situation won’t last. I can do hard things and move past this.” Accept feeling uncomfortable. Don’t resist or fight it. It’s part of life! What matters is your reaction to the situation, not the event itself. Stay, get curious and see what happens next.
Your 3rd super-power: Trust
When I was twenty-three, I completely changed direction in life. I started doubting the firm belief that I was going to be an English teacher in France. I went backpacking around the world for a year and realized I no longer wanted to do it anymore. And just then, something incredible happened: I heard a voice. It was my intuition beckoning me to do something wild and unreasonable. It was telling me to give modeling a chance!
I had been cultivating my curiosity on the road, but this was really wild. Still, I got curious and eventually decided to trust my own guidance. I never once regretted it…
Curiosity may not give you the confidence you need to do anything, but with practice and analysis, it’ll help you develop trust in your own abilities to make things work. And overtime, you will build the courage you need to be and stay on your path.
Practice:
Write a list of all the times you trusted your intuition. What happened? Write another list when you didn’t trust your intuition. What happened?
Finally, write down what you’d like to do differently in your life.
Your 4th super-power: Wonder.
In my children’s book Odette’s Alphabet, coming out early next Spring, we explore at Letter W the magic of Wonder. To experience the wonderful, having a curious mind is essential. You may start noticing too how each of the super-powers you build start interacting with each other. Your openness and trust pave the way to seeing life as a gift. Soon, your eyes wonder and your heart grows fonder.
Practice:
When you wake up, repeat this mantra: “Something wonderful is going to happen. I just don’t know what it is.” The challenge here is to really mean it and take the time to feel it. Feel the sense of wonder building in your heart. Feel the excitement at the tip of your fingers for infinite possibilities. Because, my beautiful friend, anything is possible.
Your 5th super-power: Communication.
I’ve shared before about a dating experience I recently had. I was in the cab on the way to the restaurant, when I noticed I was preoccupied about what the other person was going to think of me. How stressful that was! I changed gear the moment I realized what I was doing and leaned in to the side of curiosity. “I’m curious to get to know this person,” I told myself. The stress I had felt instantly dropped, as my assumptions did. I could sense my body relax, my mind open up and my energy tingle with excitement. And if you’re curious to know, I had a fantastic date! Remember, the best way to not close off is to stay open.
Practice:
Next time you’re in disagreement with someone, command your mind to be curious about the situation. What you can objectively observe, as if there had been a camera in the room? Write down what actually happened and what was said. Remove any interpretation and judgment.
Curiosity makes room inside. And that new found space gives you greater ease to navigate your relationships. When we can hold space for ourselves and others, we begin to heal.
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One last thing, this season, say yes to new experiences. You never know, it might be the best one of your life!
Love,
Sandrine