‘Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.’
-Rumi
‘Ouch, that hurts!’ Someone said or did something and you realize that comment or action is awakening a wound inside of you. You pause. Get quiet for a moment so you can fully feel what’s going on within you before taking an appropriate response.
Ok. Yes! If only you could have done that! If only you had not been triggered…
We were on vacation and all I could focus on was how critical my friend (friend of a friend) was being. Almost everything she said was triggering me. I had all this judgment growing and festering inside. And the irony, of course, is that I wasn’t seeing how the situation was mirroring something I wanted to heal so badly: my own judgment and critical mindset.
If we choose to see it differently, a trigger can be a wonderful tool to draw our attention in, often on something we need to change, either about ourselves or in our life. Now, I’m not saying this is easy – it can be super tricky to get perspective and see how the mirror is playing out in our situation. But there is a nugget somewhere for us to reflect upon.
We are constantly given opportunities to heal our wounds. Life offers a myriad of case scenarios to play out our pains, frustrations and fears. It speaks directly to the wound that did not get a chance to heal.
Does truth hurt? Or is it the illusion that we have of our own perfection that hurts? Or maybe you need to explore your sense of safety and take action to get out of the situation if the trigger persists. In that case, I recommend seeking the help of a professional.
But we all have things to heal. And the trigger has the potential to liberate us from our suffering. The trigger is an indication that something is out of balance. The trigger is an invitation to go within, heal and welcome back all of our parts.
When we don’t pay attention, we might fail to notice that we are being triggered. Here we are, running full mode into: ‘he’s wrong and I’m right!’ End of conversation. ‘I’m a good person. She sucks.’ We are in conflict. We create separation between ourselves and the other. We lose our common ground and run on a field of righteousness. I know, I go there too! And I waste my time and energy. So I’m learning to pause. Sometimes right away, sometimes it takes me ten minutes, an hour, a day, a year… It’s never too late to acknowledge, take responsibility and begin the healing.
When we’re triggered, we must go to the source, to our own teacher.
The first step is to let go of the need to be right and make the other wrong. Then invite the ‘ouch!’ to sit on the couch, and hear it! Listen with intent to what is has to say. It usually holds precious information if you are willing to get curious about it. Hear the pain, like a child crying or screaming. That’s what you will find underneath the trigger. We can’t blame someone for triggering us. We have to take responsibility for our pain. At the source, there is a fear, a pain, a doubt… It usually lies underneath the initial feelings of anger, frustration, irritation, resentment… The key is to get curious.
Letting go of the need to be right and better than the other person allows us to clear the way so we can see and hear what really wants to emerge. In my case, I realized that all my judgment, both directed at the other and at myself, was begging for me to open my heart and find compassion, starting with self-compassion…
Ask yourself: ‘What do I need?’ Then listen to your voices, to your heart, to your body, your spirit, your guardians, your God… Tap into all of your resources and give yourself what you know you truly need to recover from the trigger and give yourself a new opportunity to heal a deeper wound.
When we take the walls down of our resistance, we enter the field of our own wisdom. We find our center and live with greater peace, ease and joy.
With love,
Sandrine